welcome home?

so, i come home because im sick. my mum has pre-planned a bbq with some family and friends. my uncle is here from calgary. i still feel sick, but they are all drinking booze and smoking. welcome home. i cannot wait to go back to camp. those things used to be tempting and near controlling, but now they are disgusting. yes, i know they taste good, but i know i can't do it. this is where God has placed me here and now, His child, to remind me of the brokenness in the world. i lost sight of that at camp(for the most part), so, as i sit here i can only pray.

the radio was playing and this lyric broke my heart,
"some call it lost, i call it freedom."
how horrible is this. you are not free when you are tied down by sin.

Lord, i lift up the broken, lost people. please use me, your child, for your glorious plan. Father, help me have compassion and patience for people i will soon be living with again. please God, forgive my heart for immediatley getting angry and upset not with them, but with their actions. Father, it is all they know. it is their lost, broken life. so Lord, help me understand how to show you, the light of the world, to them. thank you God. in your name,
amen.

moment by moment, breath by breath

this summer has taught me many things, but one of them is this, to not worry about tomorrow but instead live by faith and take everything by the breath that God has given you.

as i try to understand how to grasp this, i am completely thrown array in my need of relationship and friendship. i cannot have people come and go in my life, yet when i am surrounded by love at camp, i feel as though i am not always needed, loved, etc. this is so selfish, but i feel as though it is true. i have seen couples seperate themselves, i have seen friendships, which i was once part of, grow without me in them.

this hurts me, but yet i am being flipped around with being thankful for my every breath. i do not understand my brain and how God reveals things to me. there are only 2 weeks left at camp, one for me, and i dont know how to react. Lord, help me let you take over.

as some know, i have been sick for about 2 weeks, so i came home yesterday and i will be home for a few days, but i will be back up to camp for sure for the last week of summer. but, Praise God, because i already feel better!!!!