dear decade,

i cannot believe that the new year is officially at our door, knocking. what a year it has been and as i was reading another blog, this person posted about how we are bringing in a new decade. such a bizzare thought. remember the 90's, the 80's, the 70's. well, what will be said about the millennium?
war, 9/11, tsunami, suicide-bombers, iPod's, dvd and blu-ray, H1N1, health and medical advancements, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, PostSecret, FML, MLIA, etc etc.

what will be said about the decade of 2010?
what can we change in our lives to make it more positive than the 2000's?

want, or need?

i want something extreme to take place in my life.
i want to be famous, somehow, someway.
im not necessarily talking about hollywood famous, but i want to be known in heavens, on earth; both together united.
i want to be free like the wind.
i want to sing songs that carry through the cosmo's.
i want to explore the people in this world.
i want to discover myself.
i want to learn more.
i want to be holy.
i want to be more than what i imagine myself ever becoming.
i want to live life with no regrets, but only turning points.
i want so much more.
what do you want?

little songbird, you have nothing to do with me.

i seem to collapse at the sight of my failures. i look at myself after i bath myself in sin and i tell myself i cannot go on living for Jesus. then, when i shower and can see my skin for how it is, i realize there is hope. but then i fall into the lies i create and it is a cycle that has been occurring every week or two since september.

why?

im fearful of things i cannot see.

i place my trust in the lack of knowing what will happen an hour from now. but i still trust.

i really cant stay still.

i will forever be intertwined with my past.
it will always be there.
i can change. not on my own. i need to surrender.
i cannot accept a life full of blank pages.
this is my one life. live each day as if its your last? maybe live each day in faith that you will be carried through til the next.

i want to sing
i want to model
i want to paint
i want to explore the planet
i want to write #1 songs
i want to write a book
i want to be a photographer

maybe, because these are all things i want i wont receive it? must i surrender them?

tomorrow is a new day. i make mistakes every single day(so do you) and i pray that i can wake up with the love that Jesus has placed in my heart.


pray?

Dear Jesus,

why do i sleep so strangely. i do not understand the story or the planning for this at all. i hope i dont fall asleep while working tomorrow.

maybe this is a sign that as my life is continually not steady, no-consistency when it comes to me and you. maybe, just maybe, my sleep is even being affected by my sinful ways!

help me understand.
your struggling child,
Daniel

Dear Jesus,

help me rid myself of vanities, of pains, of sins, of mistakes, of worthless emotions. fill me with love, with peace, with beauty, with joy, with true emotion.

yours truly,
Daniel