canker sores suck and so does vitamin d

to do with the title. i have one right on my lip, where it rubs on my tooth like crazy... OUCH!

but, to do with the other topic of the title, autumn is settling in nicely and i am loving it and despising it at the same time.

this is the season where scientifically our bodies experience a lack of vitamin D which can psychologically lead to depression. spiritually, this is the time of year where i usually end up wondering if i truly believe in God and if i am devoting my whole life to Him. because of this, Satan prowls and hunts for people like me. depression is a strong part of my past and i feel it creeping back towards me. please, keep me in your prayers as i keep you in mine.

i love you friends, i really do.

...never fade away :)

Near my house there is some graffiti written on a wall under the train tracks. It read:
"You are my shining star, never fade away."
Then, on another wall, it reads:
"Never fade away..."

Just thought it was cute and had to share it with you.

i wake up and smell the air lingering from lastnights musical.

music,
style, smiles,
tea, coffee, rain,
sun, hope, life, boots,
raincoats, fingerless gloves, peace, guitar, voice,
speech, duvet, piano, female voice, echo, echo,
echo.

You're my only one

i cannot comprehend anything, ever nor will i ever be able to. want to know why? because im in love.

im in love with Jesus and He makes life a mystery. one that i can't help but lean into, dive into, jump into, soar into and well, unintentionally, fall in love with even more.

:) i love you Jesus.

:)

the time is 3:40am and i have connected with someone whom i didnt think i would. i may not have accomplished my craft party which motivated me originally to stay up all night, but something more beautiful occurred; friendship.

six pack, sleeping like a baby!

here is a praise, be encouraged, brothers and sisters, for prayer and hope is real:

for about two months i have had a stomach pain and i got blood work, U.A's and other tests. the doctors, three different ones, had no idea what it was. they thought maybe i was celiac, but im pretty sure im not. they thought i pulled my stomach muscles and i did, but they are basically healed (i can workout again!). also, i have been having super broken sleeps and i actually had a nightmare...of numbers and letters all around me...i studied for math right before bed...weird...haha, but anyways, all of this has been going on for two months, right?

well, i went to my family doctor yesterday and he looked over all my tests, which all cleared and looked normal. so, he was kind of confused. but the thing is, is that since about monday oct.5, i havent been having really any extreme stomach pains. my body is healing and resting and through prayer and hope that God will heal, i am being healed! this is such a phenomenon and i love it.

also, my sleeping, well i got these natural pills for insomnia and they are working...so, no more no sleep. i sleep like a baby and its wonderful.

...now, its time to get back in shape. physically, spirtually, emotionally, and did i already say physically? why of course, but lets be reminded that i can now finally excersize! woop woop!


...clearly, this is not a normal blog, but i need to inform you, internet world.

ttyl.

think.

what's the difference between
drowning in water

.
.
.
and
.
.
.

drowning in sin?

one tired, drained, spent pup...

well,
i am doing good, it was really nice seeing everyone this weekend and getting some new clothes. but, i am supposed to help out at my church, like help set up and such, but sadly because of my health i am constantly tired and in pain. i dont know whats wrong, but i told them that i cant work right now because it would just be too much. so, i dragged myself to the service tonight and just felt lonely and i was reminded of how much i walked away from the Lord. not in big ways, but ways that add up. not reading the word as much, forgetting to pray, a lack of trust and trying, a lack of pursuit and being lazy, and being worried(about my health). i dont know, i mean, i am good. but im so tired and just done with feeling like junk. also, as the whole world knows, i have acne..and it flippen kills me. i usually am not self- concious, but i really have been lately. i dont know how to go about getting help for it and i know its "how God created me" but its one of those things, if you can relate at all..

but really cool, my dad has been building a house since last may? anyways, its done and they moved in on saturday..so i get to go to my new house soon!! :) im super pumped. aha, but yeah. also, ill be getting into vocal lessons again and i need my voice back! so yeah.... i guess thats how i am, kind of? im so tired i dont even fully know.. dear me.

im awake.

I have thoughts to write down when I don't have a notebook. I have a passion to sing when I can't hit the high notes. I find rest when I'm wide awake, not when I sleep. I'm in pain all day long, weeks on end, but I'm not dead. My life needs to transform. My heart needs to be shaken and moved. As much as I want this or that to occur, it can't happen without you. Open my eyes to your majesty because its been right in front of me for as long as the earth has been made.