Who will drive my soul?

"Seems somebody burned up the signs. I can’t expect the hard curves. There's no borders, There are no lines. How can I know where to turn? You make the street lights reappear. I feel bright when you stand near. I know what I am when you are here, My place becomes so clear.
When you're gone Will I lose control? You're the only road I know. You show me where to go. Who will drive my soul?"
-LIGHTS

once again, i can only see Jesus in these lyrics. no, LIGHTS is not a christian artist, but it's all i see in these lyrics.
just thought i would share this with you. again, thank you Jesus for revealing yourself in the most interesting place, a girl playing synths...

thank you hollywood, for openning my eyes.

in the words of august rush:
"listen, can you hear it? the music. i can hear it everywhere; in the wind, in the air, in the light. its all around us. all you have to do is open yourself up. all you have to do is listen."

as christians, i believe we need to think like this. we need to start saying, "listen, can you hear HIM? GOD. i can hear HIM everywhere; in the wind, in the air, in the light. HE IS all around us. all you have to do is open yourself up. all you have to do is listen."

even as christians, we seem to get so caught up in everything around us. we often think the wind is unnecessary, that air is just 'here' and that light is also just 'here'. of course, that is the literal words used, but think about it, God created it all and he wants us to listen. God doesn't tell us to live busy lives, or to get caught up in vanity, or anything selfish and sinful. all he asks is that we listen. to embrace and relish in his creation. take a step back and let ourselves listen. my favourite part is "all you have to do is open yourself up." isn't that especially true for believers, that all we have to do is let God in! he will look after us, provide and give what we need. i am just so enthralled with this thought; God wants us to just listen and allow ourselves to open up to Him.

the movie goes on further saying, "sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you. but i believe in music like some people believe in fairy tales." once again the movie is spot-on with what i have been feeling. the world; satan, is going to try and knock, twist, pull, torture God out of us. but, like children believe in santa clause and fairy tales, we need to hold that same trust and hope with God. enough of this thought that we have to do it on our own. we have God; our Lord Saviour, to fall back on when things are tough. when the world is trying to knock it out of us, we have God to run to like kids run to fairy tales.

i am continually being challenged to be soft-spoken. to not always speak about things, or to get caught up in things. instead, i need to focus on God and not ask, "how can God, in his entirety, apply to me?" but infact, i need to begin to ask, "how can i apply myself to God and his entirety?"

as i turned on august rush, the first words hit me astronomically. it was as if hollywood showed me something beyond sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. what a cliche thing to say. well, it's true.

i'm friend's with Jesus!

John 15:12-17,
"this is my commandment, that you love one another as i have loved you. greater love has no one than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends. you are my friends if you do what i command you. no longer do i call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but i call you friends, for all that i have heard from my Father i have made known to you. you did not choose me, but i chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should sbide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. these things i command you, so that you will love one another."

i am ready.

Dear Jesus;

Hey um, to say it shortly,
I can't do this on my own anymore; I am serious this time. You know my heart better than I do. So, What do you say? Can you dwell inside me, please? I am as ready as I can be to be broken, but I know you will restore my life again.

I'm ready.

Your's truly,

Daniel.

sing a new song and don't be scared to scream it.

I can't help but feel loved. This weekend was very enlightening. Friday evening I really met with Jesus at youth group. I sang, well, almost as loud as I could. It was amazing.
Saturday, I hit sin hard. I went to work and that was all happy-go-lucky...for a library, that's code for boring. When I was at home saturday though, I was tempted. Not just tempted with sin, but sin from years ago. It has been occuring since the summer. The thing that sucked massively was that I slipped, twice, in one day. I then felt extremely convicted and horrible. You know the feeling; like a little boy pulling a chair to the counter, reaching into the cookie jar and well, successfully getting a cookie. No one knows you took a cookie, only you. Well, for me, no one knows the severity of this sin, I only told them about the cookies being there, not what type of cookies that were in the jar(they were raisin by the way, the grossest kind).

To get back on topic, after I commited this sin, I fell at Gods feet. I realised how much of a grip this sin had on my life. I was faking being okay for 3 years. Yeah, I broke dowm here and there, but I never dealt with it. I always put it on the back burner. This thing will send me to hell, I thought to myself. Many of people know my life story, minus this part. As I said, I only told them there were cookies, but not what type.

Today, sunday, was a lot different than lastnight, saturday. I woke up sad, mad, angry at myself, but I knew I had breath today and that God was and is giving me life still. He is not done with me! Praise him.

It is going to be hard to tell people this, but I know certain people must know. If you are reading this, and you believe in the Lord Jesus, I ask you to please pray for me. I do not want to have anything hidden from others. I do not want to have this seperate me from God anymore. I want to be able to tell people what types of cookies are in the cookie jar; I don't want to deceive or be dishonest anymore.

A beautiful verse that has carried me through(and am wanting to get tattooed) is Psalm 34:18:
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Amen.

vanity insanireality.

self consciousness has always been on the back of my mind. i can never be full content with how i look. most people struggle with this and i know they understand what it feels like to feel like they shouldnt go out into public and how much it sucks to feel that.

as i have been growing with God more and more on an intimate level, i am discovering how much satan thrives on telling me i am ugly and shouldnt go out into the world. but, thats the key, we need to be out in the world, spreading the love of Christ.

i am finding it to be continually more challenging to get over the fact that i do not like the way i look, and i think that is because satan has a strong foothold on this idea of vanity insanireality; its insane, but its a reality for many people. i am learning slowly how to give it over to God because i know it is strongly restraining me from going out into the world and reaching my fullest potential, but this is a very difficult thing to give over when it has surrounded me like dense fog on an autumn day for so long.

through all of this, i am also finding i was putting a time limit of God. you know, the "okay God, if this doesnt by this time, then im moving on..." maybe you havent said those exact words, or to that extent, but i have and i feel so convicted by it. i know it is wrong and our God is timeless and can do anything possible and impossible. Our God is a God of astronomical surprises and if i put a time limit on that, well, i will not receive all of Gods goodness.

mmm, i needed to get that out in the air because it has been on my heart for years. i mean, it is more extreme than that in certain times, but this is mainly how i feel day in, day out; convicted of being self conscious and knowing that it is hindering my realtionship with our Lord God, Adonai.

you are alive and i am now alive with you!

I may have had one of the worst days in a long time yesterday. I woke up past my alarm, and was very rushed. I couldn't have a shower because the water was turned off due to flooding. The buses weren't running either because of roads being flooded. I got to school two hours late, unshowered, tired, and to top it off, most of the people at school were being massive jerks. BUT, through the midst of it all, I found myself saying, "God gave me breath today, so it will be lived for him".

Hmmm, I have never reacted to a bad day with such a love fotr Christ. It really made me hopeful that God is with me all the time and that he does indeed live in my heart :)


Isaiah 6:8 reads,"then I heard a voice of the Lord saying, 'whom shall I send and who will go for us?' And I said, 'here am I! Send me!'".

Godbless!!

as long as i have breath to breathe, i will sing your praise!

every breath i take was created and designed to be used for our Lord. every heart beat is a sign that my time is not up; God is not yet done with me. my life is not meant to be lived for me, myself, and i because i am in a great debt; infact, this debt consumes my life and yours. Jesus, The Son of God, died for OUR mistakes. we owe everything to Him, but most of us are to selfish to see past the point of me, myself, and i.

lastnight i felt deeply joyful, but also acutely in pain. i was joyful for everything that has been given to me eventhough i do not deserve any of it. as i further read into "Do Hard Things", i became slightly discouraged and as i earlier put it, in pain. i am discovering how much time i have wasted. i am sixteen, and have been so caught up in myself that i have been blocking out and ignoring all those moments where God tells me to go talk to that person, or go help that person. of course, my life expectancy leaves me with many years, but God can easily close my door, and stop my breathing.

a very classic song from qwanoes has been written with the solution to this troubling, and often untouched topic. the lyrics in the chorus speak, "i'll never let the rocks cry out, louder then the voice you've given me. As long as i have breath to breathe, i will sing your praise!" pay accurate attention to the last sentence. as long as we are given breath to breathe, we are called to sing the Lord our God's praise! unfortunatley, we often fail to do so. why? because this world, as i have mentioned many of times before, tells us to figure things out on our own, to try out and buy the latest thing, and that there is no higher power to help us. of course, all of those are complete lies, but they are the world's reality. as Christ-followers, we are called to be different. 1 Peter 2:9 puts it into great perspective.
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."
did you catch that? we have been called out of darnkess! so, with every breath that i take, i must return to God. every heartbeat i receive must go directly back into what i have been called to do: love others.

so, i propose a challenge; does anyone want to start living like this aswell? of course, we must have our word coincide with our actions and our heart for it to actually be real, but our God is good and he gives us breath to breahte!

just so y'all know, my mind sometimes thinks abstractly.

Just a little thought popped into my head...when people say "school is lame", do they really mean it? Or is it just some normal, habitchual saying that people will say as common as "lol". Just a little thought, and it kind of made me laugh(seriously).

conviction

today, i waited for a bus to go to my fathers. it was expected to just be a regular, average bus ride, but then this man, middle-aged, asain, and losing his hair. he wasnt 'balding' though, it looked more like a sickness. his skin was pale, and looked as though it was clammy. i could not help but feel the pain he held in his eyes. the ambitious part of me said to go talk to him; the shy side said to stay seated. i didnt know what to do, so i instantly prayed that God would give me a sign, and sure enough three men with alot of items filled the seats around us. i felt very discouraged, i knew i didnt normally feel convicted towards people i have seen for 0.22 seconds, so once again i prayed, and got a different response. the three men got off the bus, and so i thought 'perfect, here we go Jesus!' until the man got his cellphone out, and started using it. so i prayed again, and i asked God to simply make me know for sure what i was supposed to do, and that i would do whatever he said, because i trust Him. and then, i was about to talk to him when suddenly it was my stop to get off! i felt discouraged, until i realised i was putting a time limit on God. maybe today, God was simply introducing me to this man, so i can pray for him and ready my heart to be used. it struck me, our Lord is timeless; we may not be, but i have faith that God will use me when i need to be used. so, this was a very interesting experience, and i pray and hope that i will see that man again, and to just be a light of Christ; eventhough i may be scared to be a light, it is what i am called to do.

also, as all this was occuring, i was reading "Do Hard Things", and sure enough 1 Timothy 4:12 was typed into that book. "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

GOD IS SO GOOD! and i am so very excited to see what is instore tomorrow(and still tonight!)

to the ones i love, i say:

today is the first day back to school since holidays. 19 days of holidays was more then enough time to be refreshed, and filled with Jesus. Boy, do i feel good! My heart awoke at 5am this morning, and my body followed at 5:30am. i decided i would use this extra two or maybe three hours to be with Jesus. I read one chapter of Luke, then i made two cups of coffee, and began to read a book ive been working on titled, "Do Hard Things, A rebellion of teenagers against low expectations." Lets just say that everyone(yes, every single human being) needs to read this. Written by twin brothers who are very strong in their faith, this book encourages people to out-stretch past the mundane, everyday life. it encourages teenagers to not be bogged down by the low expectations of making your bed, and doing your homework. But instead, trust that God is here, and living and when he calls you to something that may seem scary; do it!

So, here i am, alive and breathing. i have been given another day to live; not for myself, but for Him who created me! praise you LORD.

something that has been striking me is being consumed by lies that no one cares. i have a friend who lives in saskatchewan who thinks this exact thought; that he is not strong enough, and he is just a burden to everyone. this breaks my heart, and i need to simply trust that God is looking after my brother. i rememeber feeling these exact lies; but thats all they are, lies. i still, from time to time feel like this, but i know that God is good, and that they are lies and God has greater things planned out for me then lies.

i really am thankful for handy websites such as this one. anyways, i should go and not endure school, but embrace it, and learn! :) haha, wow, how corny was that?

Godbless,
as the coffee-jitters begin!

consider this a jumble of words.

feeling as though there is more to life. my step dad, step sister, and my mother have been talking about going on vacation to a far away land full of sunshine and alcohol. they have also been jokingly, but seriously talking about selling everything, and moving to a far away land with you guessed it, sunshine and alcohol. hmmm, it really has been striking me. there is an entire world to explore, so why are we doing everything on our own and confiding ourselves to our little towns of selfish, greedy, broken people. but even worse then that, why are we thinking about moving, also known as running, away to another land of selfishness, greed, and brokeness? are we not called by our Lord to help those in need? God never once said, "go to jamaica, and leave those in canada." no no no, it doesn't matter where we are; we are a light, wherever we are, and thats a fact.

i am so struck with questions of my life. i am graduating a year early, meaning i will be done this june. school has literally been my life since i can remember; waking up, going to a 'jail' for those who don't fit in, and a 'heaven' for those who everyone admires. now, im being thrown into worse; life. but i really shouldn't think of it as worse because now, i have an entire life ahead of me. a life with the world at my doorsteps, except, i dont know if ill ever be called to step out past the door frame. i am so very excited to see Gods plan slowly, but surely, unfold. i guess its a matter of time, which by the way, is so overrated. we have one life to live, one God to live for. doesn't it make sense to put two and two together?

well, school starts tomorrow. i guess i can start the countdown; 60 days to go.

to say it politely

i cant help but wonder if i am doing what i am supposed to do for my life. am i on the right path, or am i just lying to myself completely? of course, by this i am not referring to depressed thoughts, i am simply stating the point that i catch myself doing things that are not who or what i am about. as a believer, i understand how hard it is to face the world; the brokenness, pain, suffering, lack of anything colourful and good. i am continually surrounded by all of this evil, and i sometimes feel and ask myself if i am doing everything i need to do on this earth. or course, i can never-ever-ever-never-never-ever know if i do not bring it all to the Lord's feet.

the teenage life these days is sure messed up, to say it politely. do you remember making promisses with your friends in elementary school? you know, the promisses to not do drugs or to do 'dirty' things, or to graduate and become doctors/veternarians/firefighters/superstars. look at everyone now, being pushed to buy the latest iPhone, or to replace their entire wardrobe. we all buy into it from time to time, but as followers of Christ, how can we as teenagers seperate ourselves from the world. one simple answer, Christ. we must ask ourselves, what would Christ do? what does Christ command us to do? and lastly, how can i apply my life to Christs word? did you catch that, not applying Christs word to our lives, but applying our lives to Christs word. hellllooo! his word has been around for hmm, 2000 years, and we've been around for a whole maybe 20 or 30. this thought just makes me chuckle, but i dont blame anyone for thinking "how can i apply Christs word to me?" because since the day we were born(speaking of teenagers, young adults) we have been raised into a selfish world. i cannot help but challenge myself to think differently then the world. of course, it is way (way) easier said then done. but, as Christ says so simply, but so gloriously, "you can do all things through me."

i just wanted to challenge people (or maybe just myself) to well, challenge yourself this new year. we dont need to buy into the lies of this world when our hearts of filled with Christ.

:) thats just a thought i had today. Godbless!

happy 2009

i may not know much, but i do know that you love me. happy 2009; a new year, full of new beginnings and occuring challenges. i cannot allow myself to fall as much as i did. i am willingly allowing myself to be picked up by God. i am done with being selfish, and telling myself i am ugly and worthless. it's all lies, and im done listenning to them. i was so fortunate to be able to see about 100+ people who impacted my life this past summer. i got to bring the new year in with them, i got to cry and laugh and pray; all in all, i got to spend my last days of 2008 and my first few days of 2009 surrounded by love. i am so sick of being consumed by selfishness and hate. Lord, i thank you, and lift your name on high; even though i am on this "high" of love, i will be challenged and tested throughout this year, and i pray i will be able to seek you and only you.