sing a new song and don't be scared to scream it.

I can't help but feel loved. This weekend was very enlightening. Friday evening I really met with Jesus at youth group. I sang, well, almost as loud as I could. It was amazing.
Saturday, I hit sin hard. I went to work and that was all happy-go-lucky...for a library, that's code for boring. When I was at home saturday though, I was tempted. Not just tempted with sin, but sin from years ago. It has been occuring since the summer. The thing that sucked massively was that I slipped, twice, in one day. I then felt extremely convicted and horrible. You know the feeling; like a little boy pulling a chair to the counter, reaching into the cookie jar and well, successfully getting a cookie. No one knows you took a cookie, only you. Well, for me, no one knows the severity of this sin, I only told them about the cookies being there, not what type of cookies that were in the jar(they were raisin by the way, the grossest kind).

To get back on topic, after I commited this sin, I fell at Gods feet. I realised how much of a grip this sin had on my life. I was faking being okay for 3 years. Yeah, I broke dowm here and there, but I never dealt with it. I always put it on the back burner. This thing will send me to hell, I thought to myself. Many of people know my life story, minus this part. As I said, I only told them there were cookies, but not what type.

Today, sunday, was a lot different than lastnight, saturday. I woke up sad, mad, angry at myself, but I knew I had breath today and that God was and is giving me life still. He is not done with me! Praise him.

It is going to be hard to tell people this, but I know certain people must know. If you are reading this, and you believe in the Lord Jesus, I ask you to please pray for me. I do not want to have anything hidden from others. I do not want to have this seperate me from God anymore. I want to be able to tell people what types of cookies are in the cookie jar; I don't want to deceive or be dishonest anymore.

A beautiful verse that has carried me through(and am wanting to get tattooed) is Psalm 34:18:
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Amen.