dear decade,

i cannot believe that the new year is officially at our door, knocking. what a year it has been and as i was reading another blog, this person posted about how we are bringing in a new decade. such a bizzare thought. remember the 90's, the 80's, the 70's. well, what will be said about the millennium?
war, 9/11, tsunami, suicide-bombers, iPod's, dvd and blu-ray, H1N1, health and medical advancements, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, PostSecret, FML, MLIA, etc etc.

what will be said about the decade of 2010?
what can we change in our lives to make it more positive than the 2000's?

want, or need?

i want something extreme to take place in my life.
i want to be famous, somehow, someway.
im not necessarily talking about hollywood famous, but i want to be known in heavens, on earth; both together united.
i want to be free like the wind.
i want to sing songs that carry through the cosmo's.
i want to explore the people in this world.
i want to discover myself.
i want to learn more.
i want to be holy.
i want to be more than what i imagine myself ever becoming.
i want to live life with no regrets, but only turning points.
i want so much more.
what do you want?

little songbird, you have nothing to do with me.

i seem to collapse at the sight of my failures. i look at myself after i bath myself in sin and i tell myself i cannot go on living for Jesus. then, when i shower and can see my skin for how it is, i realize there is hope. but then i fall into the lies i create and it is a cycle that has been occurring every week or two since september.

why?

im fearful of things i cannot see.

i place my trust in the lack of knowing what will happen an hour from now. but i still trust.

i really cant stay still.

i will forever be intertwined with my past.
it will always be there.
i can change. not on my own. i need to surrender.
i cannot accept a life full of blank pages.
this is my one life. live each day as if its your last? maybe live each day in faith that you will be carried through til the next.

i want to sing
i want to model
i want to paint
i want to explore the planet
i want to write #1 songs
i want to write a book
i want to be a photographer

maybe, because these are all things i want i wont receive it? must i surrender them?

tomorrow is a new day. i make mistakes every single day(so do you) and i pray that i can wake up with the love that Jesus has placed in my heart.


pray?

Dear Jesus,

why do i sleep so strangely. i do not understand the story or the planning for this at all. i hope i dont fall asleep while working tomorrow.

maybe this is a sign that as my life is continually not steady, no-consistency when it comes to me and you. maybe, just maybe, my sleep is even being affected by my sinful ways!

help me understand.
your struggling child,
Daniel

Dear Jesus,

help me rid myself of vanities, of pains, of sins, of mistakes, of worthless emotions. fill me with love, with peace, with beauty, with joy, with true emotion.

yours truly,
Daniel

dear Jesus,

im sorry for leaving you. though it may be just a short time in the long run, it has felt like eternity. i hope i can come back to you. that translated means i hope i want to come back to you soon. like right now.

i miss you Jesus. i know your still here though and that makes my heart warm inside. i cannot comprehend how you forgive people like me every single second of every single day. that is a miracle in which i will never understand.

Jesus, i used to adore you, love you, want to be like you. what happened to little ol' me? i need a divine intervention.

this is my first prayer in a long time, but here it is, out in the internet. im opening up. take me as i am Lord.

yours truly,
daniel

canker sores suck and so does vitamin d

to do with the title. i have one right on my lip, where it rubs on my tooth like crazy... OUCH!

but, to do with the other topic of the title, autumn is settling in nicely and i am loving it and despising it at the same time.

this is the season where scientifically our bodies experience a lack of vitamin D which can psychologically lead to depression. spiritually, this is the time of year where i usually end up wondering if i truly believe in God and if i am devoting my whole life to Him. because of this, Satan prowls and hunts for people like me. depression is a strong part of my past and i feel it creeping back towards me. please, keep me in your prayers as i keep you in mine.

i love you friends, i really do.

...never fade away :)

Near my house there is some graffiti written on a wall under the train tracks. It read:
"You are my shining star, never fade away."
Then, on another wall, it reads:
"Never fade away..."

Just thought it was cute and had to share it with you.

i wake up and smell the air lingering from lastnights musical.

music,
style, smiles,
tea, coffee, rain,
sun, hope, life, boots,
raincoats, fingerless gloves, peace, guitar, voice,
speech, duvet, piano, female voice, echo, echo,
echo.

You're my only one

i cannot comprehend anything, ever nor will i ever be able to. want to know why? because im in love.

im in love with Jesus and He makes life a mystery. one that i can't help but lean into, dive into, jump into, soar into and well, unintentionally, fall in love with even more.

:) i love you Jesus.

:)

the time is 3:40am and i have connected with someone whom i didnt think i would. i may not have accomplished my craft party which motivated me originally to stay up all night, but something more beautiful occurred; friendship.

six pack, sleeping like a baby!

here is a praise, be encouraged, brothers and sisters, for prayer and hope is real:

for about two months i have had a stomach pain and i got blood work, U.A's and other tests. the doctors, three different ones, had no idea what it was. they thought maybe i was celiac, but im pretty sure im not. they thought i pulled my stomach muscles and i did, but they are basically healed (i can workout again!). also, i have been having super broken sleeps and i actually had a nightmare...of numbers and letters all around me...i studied for math right before bed...weird...haha, but anyways, all of this has been going on for two months, right?

well, i went to my family doctor yesterday and he looked over all my tests, which all cleared and looked normal. so, he was kind of confused. but the thing is, is that since about monday oct.5, i havent been having really any extreme stomach pains. my body is healing and resting and through prayer and hope that God will heal, i am being healed! this is such a phenomenon and i love it.

also, my sleeping, well i got these natural pills for insomnia and they are working...so, no more no sleep. i sleep like a baby and its wonderful.

...now, its time to get back in shape. physically, spirtually, emotionally, and did i already say physically? why of course, but lets be reminded that i can now finally excersize! woop woop!


...clearly, this is not a normal blog, but i need to inform you, internet world.

ttyl.

think.

what's the difference between
drowning in water

.
.
.
and
.
.
.

drowning in sin?

one tired, drained, spent pup...

well,
i am doing good, it was really nice seeing everyone this weekend and getting some new clothes. but, i am supposed to help out at my church, like help set up and such, but sadly because of my health i am constantly tired and in pain. i dont know whats wrong, but i told them that i cant work right now because it would just be too much. so, i dragged myself to the service tonight and just felt lonely and i was reminded of how much i walked away from the Lord. not in big ways, but ways that add up. not reading the word as much, forgetting to pray, a lack of trust and trying, a lack of pursuit and being lazy, and being worried(about my health). i dont know, i mean, i am good. but im so tired and just done with feeling like junk. also, as the whole world knows, i have acne..and it flippen kills me. i usually am not self- concious, but i really have been lately. i dont know how to go about getting help for it and i know its "how God created me" but its one of those things, if you can relate at all..

but really cool, my dad has been building a house since last may? anyways, its done and they moved in on saturday..so i get to go to my new house soon!! :) im super pumped. aha, but yeah. also, ill be getting into vocal lessons again and i need my voice back! so yeah.... i guess thats how i am, kind of? im so tired i dont even fully know.. dear me.

im awake.

I have thoughts to write down when I don't have a notebook. I have a passion to sing when I can't hit the high notes. I find rest when I'm wide awake, not when I sleep. I'm in pain all day long, weeks on end, but I'm not dead. My life needs to transform. My heart needs to be shaken and moved. As much as I want this or that to occur, it can't happen without you. Open my eyes to your majesty because its been right in front of me for as long as the earth has been made.

just double checkin'!

lately, i have been getting into the questioning stage. do i really believe in God, or am i being blasphemes? do i want my life to be like this? where do i want to go with my career or do i not even have a single clue. do i want to start a new chapter completely and not have anything to do with the last?

and here are the answers after a few weeks of tossing and turning...
do i really believe in God, or am i being blasphemes? I DO believe in God. remember when His mighty hand saved my life, four times?
do i want my life to be like this? I want my life to be Christ-centered and not me-centered.
where do i want to go with my career or do i not even have a single clue? i dont have a clue, but God does. its time to man up and trust in Him.
do i want to start a new chapter completely and not have anything to do with the last? yes and no. i dont want the sin to drag on with me, it needs to be placed at the cross daily. but, how could i live with out Qwanoes, the friendships, brother and sister-hoods created? i cant. i need that support.

its time to grow up, yes. but, i do not need to screw myself over by doing foolish things. i live and learn, yes but i am also resting on the Lords saving grace. two things which i need to continually remember:
i am not perfect, sometimes i am meant to make mistakes and learn from them
i am a child of God and if i do fall, i cannot bottle it away. it needs to be given to Jesus.


i needed to just 'vent' that. it wasn't really a vent, more a reminder ;)

i need Him. i can't ever do it on my own,

and these are the words i speak,
because the Lord has told me,

"I am free."

me in a week...not the best, but an update for you friends.

i am searching, and running with arms open wide to cling onto the first thing i see. this is so dangerous and i definitely learnt the hard way. this week i have been talking with an old friend whom her and i used to have a "fling". so, it has been good because we are past that (she has a boyfriend and i love Jesus A LOT more). anyways, she works at starbucks and told me to apply because they are looking. so i did with extreme hopes of just getting the job. im still working at timmies and getting in the mind set that im quitting...but, im not yet. i also decided to take math 11P through a night class. so, im dealing with the "stress" of math. but mainly, i have not been praying about any of this and doing it on my own; clinging onto the first thing that will fill my life. i still don't know if i will even get an interview at starbucks, so that shattered. i am doing alright with math, but its taking up time. also, talking with some friends and how good they feel and everything has been making me kind of jealous (i think im beginning to struggle with this)

this leads me to say that i am feeling pretty lost. i know i should lean on the Lord, but this week i did not. last night my mum had a friend over and she came into my room after a few hours to close my window. i asked her why and she said she didnt want the smoke to blow in. i asked her, "what smoke" because she never closes the window when she smokes cigarettes, so i knew she was smoking pot. i asked her, "are you smoking pot" and she said, "does it matter". one thing you should know, i hate seeing my mum smoke, drink, or smoke pot. i fell into smoking cigarettes last year and when i was 14 i told my mum my testimony and asked her if she smoked or drank or did drugs when she was pregnant with me (ill explain in my testimony), she said no. But, two day before CIT she smoked pot with friends and then the next day i asked her if she smoked or drank, etc while she was pregnant with me and she said "yes, a bit". anyways, so since then that part of our relationship is very sensitive to me, one of the ways i used to deal with it was giving into my temptations. so, last night, when all that occurred, i tried to fight the temptation on my own(because i told Jesus to bugger off all week) and i obivously fell. so, last night was horrible. but, i facebooked my friend who is my accountability partner and told him straight up everything and then went to sleep...

but when i woke up today, i tried to avoid it. then, when i was showering, i put a playlist on random and sure enough amazing because it is-the almost came on. it reminded me that God is always there. then, laughing with-regina spektor came on and reminded me of the brokenness in this world. then, dirty and left out-the almost came on and reminded me of the shame that i felt in my life and still tend to feel. i am slowing trying to come back to the Lord today, but this is once again a huge thing i have to work through. it was the first time in 2 months, or more...! Praise God.

so, if you could PLEASE pray for me!

i have been feeling His love through out the day, but i cant let satan win. help me in my struggles, friends :)

with a smile on my face, i simply am telling you whats on my mind...

i want my music to explode into something huge, but what does Jesus want?
i want to go to school and work to have money, but what does Jesus want?
i want to be in a relationship, but what does Jesus want?
i want this, i want that, but what does Jesus want?

also,
what do i need?

is it over, or has the fun just begun?

summer is coming to a close. the long sunsets of orange and pink cotton candy clouds and scorching sun rays are taking a rest for another year. this summer was like none other. being able to go back home to camp for 11 weeks was tremendous. their were definitely times when i wished i wasn't there because i was being pushed past my comfort zone. how foolish of me to complain at those times because now when i look back on it i am a stronger person (physically, emotionally and spiritually ;) ). at times i felt as though no one wanted to be my friend, but i still stayed and prayed over that situation and sure enough, God blessed me and answered me by giving me people who cared for me. he healed many broken friendships this summer, as well as bringing some to a close. but, i did fall this summer. into many old routines i already fell when i came home for three days in the summer and also the first day i was home from summer ending. BUT, through this i have come such a long way. i recently found some old notes that i wrote to God (i used to pray on paper all the time), and i could see the brokenness in those notes. i could sense a form of bondage to my sin. i was absolutely trapped. but now, oh but now i see the light. i run to it at any given chance. i am not scared of the God i serve. i am fearful of his mighty power, but i am filled with the joy and forgiveness he freely gives to me every single day.

it has been weird being immersed back into the broken culture in which i live, but God is walking with me, carrying me, or holding my hand. He is not only my Father, but my friend.

while i was at camp, i wrote something at around 1 or 2 in the morning. this is what i wrote:
"i raise my hands when im in worship because i feel the Lords angels running with me while God is holding my hand and running with me through a field of daisies and tall grass."

this is how i hope to live the rest of my days. in complete comfort and adoration of the Lord i love and serve. i know that i am free and i pray that this fire burning inside of me will not burn out or come close to lessening. i need to continue to dive into the holy words of the Bible, but it is a struggle as most of us know. remember, the Bible is the one book that the enemy does not want us to read. slap satan in the face by reading it daily!

here is a photo memoir that i believe captures most of the summer,
this is in victoria, when on a day off in between camps, a few staff and i went to the breakwater to play worship music and as we were walking, their was a thunder and lightning storm as well as this sunset. the night continued with us playing guitar while their was a ridiculous rainstorm in which we all were wearing nothing to keep us dry. it was phenomenal. i was so fortunate to have one of my vests leak out colour onto the t-shirt i was wearing underneath and have that material item to keep this memory permenantly stained on! haha. p.s- im wearing that shirt now, ironic?

blessings brothers and sisters.

welcome home?

so, i come home because im sick. my mum has pre-planned a bbq with some family and friends. my uncle is here from calgary. i still feel sick, but they are all drinking booze and smoking. welcome home. i cannot wait to go back to camp. those things used to be tempting and near controlling, but now they are disgusting. yes, i know they taste good, but i know i can't do it. this is where God has placed me here and now, His child, to remind me of the brokenness in the world. i lost sight of that at camp(for the most part), so, as i sit here i can only pray.

the radio was playing and this lyric broke my heart,
"some call it lost, i call it freedom."
how horrible is this. you are not free when you are tied down by sin.

Lord, i lift up the broken, lost people. please use me, your child, for your glorious plan. Father, help me have compassion and patience for people i will soon be living with again. please God, forgive my heart for immediatley getting angry and upset not with them, but with their actions. Father, it is all they know. it is their lost, broken life. so Lord, help me understand how to show you, the light of the world, to them. thank you God. in your name,
amen.

moment by moment, breath by breath

this summer has taught me many things, but one of them is this, to not worry about tomorrow but instead live by faith and take everything by the breath that God has given you.

as i try to understand how to grasp this, i am completely thrown array in my need of relationship and friendship. i cannot have people come and go in my life, yet when i am surrounded by love at camp, i feel as though i am not always needed, loved, etc. this is so selfish, but i feel as though it is true. i have seen couples seperate themselves, i have seen friendships, which i was once part of, grow without me in them.

this hurts me, but yet i am being flipped around with being thankful for my every breath. i do not understand my brain and how God reveals things to me. there are only 2 weeks left at camp, one for me, and i dont know how to react. Lord, help me let you take over.

as some know, i have been sick for about 2 weeks, so i came home yesterday and i will be home for a few days, but i will be back up to camp for sure for the last week of summer. but, Praise God, because i already feel better!!!!

and so the journey begins.

wow, the day i have been longing for is here. i am home, once again. qwanoes, oh man, i am so excited but also trying so hard to cast my doubts and worries at the astonishing cross. i feel as though i need to just give myself over. i know i need to.

another thought: i don't have to waste my life on this computer screen. i was becoming beyond addicted. thank God(actually) for everything, goodness.

...just another scramble-minded blog. :)

peace be with you.

wow.

I get to experience this all summer.
praise God.

love?

so jimmy, what did you learn today?

i was relying on this big fundraiser, concert, lollipop sales to be my first big promotional-whatever for my music. i was so caught up in the excitement of playing a show that i often bragged about it, i think. or maybe i just got so wrapped up in my fictional story of my rise to fame. i am nothing but a kid who plays guitar and sings when it comes to music...so that leaves me and 600 million other 16-yr old guys. sweet.

what an experience, realization, slap-in-the-face, kick-in-the-teeth, etc etc.

I NEED TO TRUST GOD, not a fundraiser.

in a sense, i learnt a lot in the past 5 minutes. i need to steady myself, and give my all to God. in time, if it is in His plan, something with my music will happen. but for now, im just a kid. but im not ordinary. i love Jesus, i love love, and i am ready to jumpstart into this next chapter! summer, here i come!

p.s- as it stands, im still hitting up a recording studio! :)


thank you Lord Jesus for showing me what the heck goes on in my little brain. i get so caught up, so wrapped and trapped in the figments of my imagination that sometimes i cant think or see straight. Father, help me tap into you. may my life be surrounded by and consumed by You and only You.
-amen.

is their a "trick" or something in order to not sin?

i understand i was "created in Gods image", but i just can not understand why i still sin and fall short over and over again. its as if there is this layer of evil surrounding me. i know that God is right there, but i don't know how to break through?

and to top it off, i thought i was presentable to the human race, but i guess my misery is being used for someones pleasure. thanks.


i know that i have been given such amazing things, and i do not deserve what Christ has given me. UGHHH, but i want more and more and more. how can i ever be happy if all i want is more? its impossible.

this is me, having one crumb of a day. Jesus, its so much easier said than done, but here i am, feeling nearly like nothing, but what i have i will try to give to you.

hold me close, my father.

when im speaking, i cant hear you.

im looking for love when it is right in front of my face.

"i am healed and unashamed."
-amen.

i dont know how to say this but,

I don't know who I am.

"in his holy presence, i am healed and unashammed."

as i begin a new step in my journey, my past has risen multiple times. satan is trying so hard to pull me away. sometimes he gains foothold, but most times, Jesus wins. it is all a process of being shaped into who you are designed to be. i "fell" tonight, back into my past. but as soon as i caught a glimpse of this ugly site, i ran to Jesus. i am a LIT now and i need to give my everything to Christ. much like i trusted people in the challenge course workshop this past weekend, i need to trust in God, that if i fall back, he will lower me down into his comforting arms.

i am getting so much better at resisting temptation. but sometimes, it just catches me and tricks me into thinking i need it, and i fall.

Lord, i ask for your forgiveness. i have many of times before, but each time, i feel you more and more. You are alive.

thank you Jesus for your graciousness. i am such a delicate spec of dust in your mighty plan. at times, i feel shattered, but i am not because i have You, my master.

as i fight feeling anger towards myself, God is entering. PRAISE YOU LORD!

amen and goodnight.


-alive and loved in his arms.

wash the pain away

He is my saving grace.
i am forgiven.
amen.

Lambrick Park Church Prayer Room- time slot: 11:00pm-12:00am

Mmm, Father, I am so blessed to be able to join together in community and pray. To Pray for this city, the broken hearts around the world. To pray for healing and your spirit to dwell within us. I dedicate tonight to you, a personal and devoted prayer time Father. I thank you for your graciousness, your forgiveness and compassion. You are so good to me Lord. I cannot comprehend the amount of love you have placed around and in us; your children. I cannot fathom what you did on the cross. I will never fully understand, but that mystery, that divine wonder is what places a sense of intangible, but sureness in my heart that You are real. Without this trust that all is useless. I need to place my everything in You. In the words of Fraser Campbell, “All our hallelujah’s to you…Nothing can separate us from the love of God.” Amen.

Broken I will run to You, rejoicing I will praise You. You are my God. All glory, all power, all praises be to You, my King.

May distractions be replaced with You my God. You are so good to me and I do not deserve anything even remotely close to you (though there is nothing anyway). May my entirety, my soul being and purpose be to bring you glory. Reach into my heart and make it new. “Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like you have loved me.” Amen.

a tapestry of trust.

lately i have been trying to find my "nitch". you know, that place or thing that just suites you perfectly. for some, it may be dance, others sewing. i have been experimenting with music, yoga, art, etc etc. and all i have come up with is, "yes, i enjoy all these things, but they are not sufficient."(if you know where this is going, shhh) through the course of trying to find out my "thing" i have been lacking my trust in the Lord. i still do indeed trust him; he is my God. but, i feel as if he is not the center of it all, which is so imparitive to growth.

as a few of my friends have been talking about lately, we need to be kids again. like a boy about to let go of the handlebars for the first time to balance with no hands. like a little girl jumping off the trampoline into her daddies arms. children trust in their mums and dads. they trust in some divine spirit to keep them balanced on a bike. they dont know how they do it, they just do. we need to tap back into this lost tapestry of trust, because that is what trust is, one big blanket that saves us. the child would fall without the "blanket of trust" surrounding them.

so, good ol' scattered brained me is really trying to say that yes, i enjoy the things i do, but as i do them, i need to place Christ completely in my heart. He needs to pump blood through my heart, he needs to be the center of it all.

also, because i have lost this tapestry of trust, i have begun to take many things to heart. i have been getting offended at things which simply showcase the brokenness of our world. it has nothing to do with ME, but i have been warping and twisting it so that it does concern me. i need to let go and place it all in the palms of Jesus.

with hands and heart open wide, i surrender all.

seated where i dont belong.

i fell again. man, this feeling of destruction sure does suck. but i would like to turn this negativity into positivity. from the true words of leeland, "this world has left me lame.even in my weakness, the Savior called my name. in His Holy presence, i am healed and unashamed. i was carried to the table, seated where i dont belong. carried to the table, swept away by his love. and i dont see my brokenness anymore, when im seated at the table of the Lord. i am carried to the table, the table of the Lord."

amen.

i am home.

as i entered the gates of qwanoes, i wanted myself to feel out of place and in need of attention. but, instead of that, as i entered this property in which i refer to as "home" throughout the year, i do not feel as if i am in an awkward setting or a stranger. no, i feel home. its not just something i say when i miss qwanoes, it is the truth now. wherever the LORD is, that is home. so, idealy, home is where my heart is. but, multiple hearts are connected at camp. most of my friends, brothers and sister. camp is where i genuinly found Christ. this is such a [strage] but amazing feeling.

as i walked around searching for someone, i just grabbed a cup of joe as if it were the middle of august. i walked around not being scared to be completely alone(in the physical), but feeling more safe than i do for ten months of the year. turns out i found some folks washing dishes and as i saw them and they saw me they didnt treat me "special", but they treated me as if i was home. handing me a tray to put dishes on. i was overwhelmed with joy by this action.

some reading this might ask, "what? are you serious? dont you wish they, like, jumped for joy when they saw you?" and my answer to that is well, yes, its cool to get all excited. but i dont expect my mum to jump for joy everyday i come home from school. if this is "home" then i should be asked to immediatley help out. to say the least, i am so ecstatic to serve at "home" this weekend!


well, scatter-brained daniel is unfortunatley losing his train of thought...

Godbless and may Christs will be done!

have an issue, heres a tissue and Jesus.

im losing myself.
ive lost myself.

i don't know where i stand in this world. i also don't think i need to know, but i want to. my life with the LORD is constant; day in, day out trust. but, i feel like i am lacking something. i feel like i have lost something i once had. but i don't know what it is.

nevershoutnever's newest song "losing it" speaks about christofer drew's experience of falling inlove, which lead to him losing his virginity and then he found out the girl had been cheating on him.

no, i did not lose my virginity.

but, this is how i feel. i feel like i have lost something that i can never get back. but i don't know what i have lost. this is very frustrating to try and put into context because on my outward appearance, i am happy. genuinly, truly happy with everything. but, deep down in my heart, i feel many things are obscure and quite abstract. i wonder if it is something physically changing in me(puberty?haha) or if it is more than duplicating cell-structures. maybe this whole time i have been saying, "i am so wonderful. God is good." but not fully meaning it, or even understanding what i am saying.
i dont have anything to hold back. i have thrown myself into humiliation at the feet of the Lord; therefor, i have nothing to be scared of. this world does not bind me to its sinfulness anymore.

i am free.
but i feel trapped. like im stuck in this glass bottle. no escape. i will pretend to mean it when i say, "i am happy" when i do not even truly know.

that feels amazing to get off my chest. a lot is changing in my life, physically and spiritually. i think God is just preparing me for something. but, i don't know anything, gosh!

instead of whining and complaining, i am going to trust.

Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."

amen.

:)

im not a fan of those silly little junk(ish) emails you receive online, but...


God--in bold
human--in regular font


Our Father Who Art In Heaven.
Yes?
Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.
But -- you called ME!
Called you?
No, I didn't call you.
I'm praying.
Our Father who art in Heaven.
There -- you did it again!
Did what?
Called ME.
You said,
'Our Father who art in Heaven'
Well, here I am.
What's on your mind?
But I didn't mean anything by it.
I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day.
I always say the Lord's Prayer.
It makes me feel good,
kind of like fulfilling a duty.
Well, all right.
Go on.
Okay, Hallowed be thy name .
Hold it right there.
What do you mean by that?
By what?
By 'Hallowed be thy name'?
It means, it means . . good grief,
I don't know what it means.
How in the world should I know?
It's just a part of the prayer.
By the way, what does it mean?
It means honoured, holy, wonderful.
Hey, that makes sense.
I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before.
Thanks.
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in Heaven.
Do you really mean that?
Sure, why not?
What are you doing about it?
Doing? Why, nothing, I guess.
I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control,
of everything down here like you have up there.
We're kinda in a mess down here you know.
Yes, I know;
but, have I got control of you?
Well, I go to church.
That isn't what I asked you..
What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know.
And then there's the way you spend your money --
all on yourself.
And what about the kind of books you read?
Now hold on just a minute!
Stop picking on me!
I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at church!
Excuse ME.
I thought you were praying
for my will to be done.
If that is to happen,
it will have to start with the ones
who are praying for it.
Like you -- for example.
Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups.
Now that you mention it,
I could probably name some others.
So could I.
I haven't thought about it very much until now,
but I really would like to cut out some of those things.
I would like to, you know, be really free.
Good.
Now we're getting somewhere.We'll work together -- You and ME.
I'm proud of You.
Look, Lord, if you don't mind,
I need to finish up here.
This is taking a lot longer than it usually does.
Give us this day, our daily bread.
You need to cut out the bread.
You're overweight as it is.
Hey, wait a minute! What is this?
Here I was doing my religious duty,
and all of a sudden you break in
and remind me of all my hang-ups.
Praying is a dangerous thing.
You just might get what you ask for.
Remember,
you called ME -- and here I am.
It's too late to stop now.
Keep praying. ( . . pause . . )
Well, go on.
I'm scared to.
Scared? Of what?
I know what you'll say.
Try ME.
Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.
What about Ann?
See? I knew it!
I knew you would bring her up!
Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories.
She never paid back the money she owes me.
I've sworn to get even with her!
But -- your prayer --
What about your prayer?
I didn't -- mean it.
Well, at least you're honest.
But, it's quite a load carrying around all that bitterness
and resentment isn't it?
Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her.
Boy, have I got some plans for her.
She'll wish she had never been born.
No, you won't feel any better.
You'll feel worse.
Revenge isn't sweet.
You know how unhappy you are --
Well, I can change that.
You can? How?
Forgive Ann.
Then, I'll forgive you;
And the hate and the sin,
will be Ann's problem -- not yours.
You will have settled the problem
as far as you are concerned.
Oh, you know, you're right.
You always are.
And more than I want revenge,
I want to be right with You . . (sigh).
All right .. all right . .
I forgive her.
There now!
Wonderful!
How do you feel?
Hmmmm. Well, not bad.
Not bad at all!
In fact, I feel pretty great!
You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight.
I haven't been getting much rest, you know.
Yeah, I know.
But, you're not through with your prayer are you? Go on.
Oh, all right.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Good! Good! I'll do that.
Just don't put yourself in a place
where you can be tempted.
What do you mean by that?
You know what I mean.
Yeah. I know.
Okay.
Go ahead. Finish your prayer.
For Thine is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory forever.
Amen.
Do you know what would bring me glory --
What would really make me happy?
No, but I'd like to know.
I want to please you now.
I've really made a mess of things.
I want to truly follow you.
I can see now how great that would be.
So, tell me . . .
How do I make you happy?
YOU just did.

holding my heart in my hands.

words unspoken. silence.

it's safe. it feels okay, but not great.

but, He does not want this from you. if you don't speak, you arent doing what you were called to do.

are you going to speak, or be the silence that stirs in the wind?

ladadada. dadada

i am failing at keeping up with this. sorry!

mmm, lately i have been surrounding myself with music. i have been noticing all of the different ways i can improve, all the ways i can move forward. i really feel as though Jesus wants me to do something with my music. i am so very excitied to see what he does with me.

as i have been listenning to tunes at any given moment lately, i am finding that by it, instead of tuning out of the world(which normally happens when you plug in your headphones) i am actually tuning into the world. hear me out. i am not falling into the worldiness, but i am tuning into all that surrounds me. i am normally very non-observant and i lack seeing things, physically and spiritually.

i know this is very choppy, but this is how i feel like writing today :)

i really want to update you on temptations and me...well, a little while ago i was about to let go of all my ambition to resist sin. i was going to endulge in something i would have beat myself up for for a very long time. as i was about to fall so hard, so fast, Jesus suddenly stopped me. he spoke some very beautiful words into my mind, "it is finished". AHH, since that moment, i have not even been tempted! i know eventually i will be tempted, but gosh! how amazing is our Lord and Saviour.

alright, so music and temptation and Jesus. you got all that, right? good, because im changing subjects again ;)

i have recently acquired a job a tim hortons. let me tell you, it stinks(literally). but, i have decided something for myself. instead of hating my job etc etc, i am challenging myself to find joy in things i wouldnt normally find joy in. good idea? i would like to think so, lovelies!

well, okay, i am not going to change topics again. nope, i am headin' out!
over and out.
10/4 lil' buddy!

many blessings you wonderful people whom read this!
:)

are you dead?

we can never have too much to say. coincidently, the words we so often speak of are clearly inane and of no great value. we speak of gossip, of hurt and pain, with intentions to cause nothing but evil in other peoples lives. this is all appropriatley suitable for our world, because all of this is what satan wants, but still Christians are caught saying these things.

there are some people at my school who are really lovely and are fun to be around. unfortunatley, they say they have God in there hearts all the time, but only show it on youth group night, which is on a friday. it just crushes me to see them yell at eachother and get caught up in pointless drama that is only going to tear them further away from the LORD instead of bring them closer to eachother and God. it is just so very odd, but then as i continue to witness this, i am realizing that infact most Christians act like this. they go around letting everyone know that they believe in Christ, but they do not act out there faith unless in a large congregation of believers. we are doing exactly what the bible says not to do. we are hiding our light under a bowl; a bowl stuffed full of the world.

this is just something that makes me want to scream because people are so apathetic towards this issue. they simply do not care whether they are like Christ or not, but they still consider themselves alive in the spirit. they are dead.

but hears the turn around. in the gospel, it speaks of how Christ in the physical raised a dead man back to life. he also healed a sick girl(who was infact on her death bed basically). and Christ is still alive and can do this! what i am saying is that the people in the gospels had faith--and they were raised back to life. Christ can do this for all of those people who are dead in the spirit. he can raise them back again. how though? if they are apathetic towards this idea, then why should God do anything? well, God cannot shove his love into them, so those who are alive need to PRAY. yay, the magic word--PRAYER!

okay, so, my challenge is for all those who are alive in the spirit, we need to pray for those who are dead!

many blessings.

a say whaaaattt?!

I cannot fathom the greatest of our Lord. It seems that latley the only thing that has been keeping me going has been the love of Christ. Physically, I am not sleeping a lot meaning that I am facing a lot of potential "grumpiness", but I haven't been at all! Spiritually I am facing a critical point of breaking through temptation. Also, I am beginning another part of my life. So really, I am running on the goodness of the Lord.

So, I don't want to just write how I am doing. Instead, I want to also propose a question for you all and I hope you will take time to respond. What are you running off of? Are you running off of a worldly item such as jealousy, luck, or temptation or are you running off the greatness of our Lord Saviour?

isn't HOPE a wonderful thing?

im continually becoming frazzled over un-frazzling things. simple things from not being able to hit a certain note when i sing to complex things such as what im going to be doing with my life. both of which i am finding i have to trust that God will carry me through it, whether it be something that happens and i soon forget about to something that defines the rest of my life.

one very famous verse from the bible speaks of trusting in God and he will make your path straight.
proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will set your path straight."
what an encouraging peice of scripture to read! not only are we saving ourselves from our own foolish, sinful ways, but by doing that God will bless us by showing us HIS plan.

i know i havent posted on here in ages and truth be told, i do not have an excuse. i was finding myself in a "comfortable" state; therefor, i need not rely on others---THATS A LOT OF B.S! but, nonetheless, i have been learning a lot about myself. strengths to resist sin more than i thought i could. i have slipped a few times, but i continually feel like i am overcoming it more and more and i am so excited for the day when i can stand on top of the mountain of lies and say, "Jesus, look at what you have been able to do with a sinner like me!" im so very excited.
maybe that day can be today?

also, on another lighter news, i am slowly but surely starting up my musical-ness. instead of it being just a bedroom concert, i have posted videos and mp3's on the interweb. i am also taking vocal lessons which is helping me alot with becomming confident in playing infront of others.
well, anyways, my goal is too play some shows in may/june!

woo, well, thats a bit of my heart, so yeah :)

Who will drive my soul?

"Seems somebody burned up the signs. I can’t expect the hard curves. There's no borders, There are no lines. How can I know where to turn? You make the street lights reappear. I feel bright when you stand near. I know what I am when you are here, My place becomes so clear.
When you're gone Will I lose control? You're the only road I know. You show me where to go. Who will drive my soul?"
-LIGHTS

once again, i can only see Jesus in these lyrics. no, LIGHTS is not a christian artist, but it's all i see in these lyrics.
just thought i would share this with you. again, thank you Jesus for revealing yourself in the most interesting place, a girl playing synths...

thank you hollywood, for openning my eyes.

in the words of august rush:
"listen, can you hear it? the music. i can hear it everywhere; in the wind, in the air, in the light. its all around us. all you have to do is open yourself up. all you have to do is listen."

as christians, i believe we need to think like this. we need to start saying, "listen, can you hear HIM? GOD. i can hear HIM everywhere; in the wind, in the air, in the light. HE IS all around us. all you have to do is open yourself up. all you have to do is listen."

even as christians, we seem to get so caught up in everything around us. we often think the wind is unnecessary, that air is just 'here' and that light is also just 'here'. of course, that is the literal words used, but think about it, God created it all and he wants us to listen. God doesn't tell us to live busy lives, or to get caught up in vanity, or anything selfish and sinful. all he asks is that we listen. to embrace and relish in his creation. take a step back and let ourselves listen. my favourite part is "all you have to do is open yourself up." isn't that especially true for believers, that all we have to do is let God in! he will look after us, provide and give what we need. i am just so enthralled with this thought; God wants us to just listen and allow ourselves to open up to Him.

the movie goes on further saying, "sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you. but i believe in music like some people believe in fairy tales." once again the movie is spot-on with what i have been feeling. the world; satan, is going to try and knock, twist, pull, torture God out of us. but, like children believe in santa clause and fairy tales, we need to hold that same trust and hope with God. enough of this thought that we have to do it on our own. we have God; our Lord Saviour, to fall back on when things are tough. when the world is trying to knock it out of us, we have God to run to like kids run to fairy tales.

i am continually being challenged to be soft-spoken. to not always speak about things, or to get caught up in things. instead, i need to focus on God and not ask, "how can God, in his entirety, apply to me?" but infact, i need to begin to ask, "how can i apply myself to God and his entirety?"

as i turned on august rush, the first words hit me astronomically. it was as if hollywood showed me something beyond sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. what a cliche thing to say. well, it's true.

i'm friend's with Jesus!

John 15:12-17,
"this is my commandment, that you love one another as i have loved you. greater love has no one than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends. you are my friends if you do what i command you. no longer do i call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but i call you friends, for all that i have heard from my Father i have made known to you. you did not choose me, but i chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should sbide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. these things i command you, so that you will love one another."

i am ready.

Dear Jesus;

Hey um, to say it shortly,
I can't do this on my own anymore; I am serious this time. You know my heart better than I do. So, What do you say? Can you dwell inside me, please? I am as ready as I can be to be broken, but I know you will restore my life again.

I'm ready.

Your's truly,

Daniel.

sing a new song and don't be scared to scream it.

I can't help but feel loved. This weekend was very enlightening. Friday evening I really met with Jesus at youth group. I sang, well, almost as loud as I could. It was amazing.
Saturday, I hit sin hard. I went to work and that was all happy-go-lucky...for a library, that's code for boring. When I was at home saturday though, I was tempted. Not just tempted with sin, but sin from years ago. It has been occuring since the summer. The thing that sucked massively was that I slipped, twice, in one day. I then felt extremely convicted and horrible. You know the feeling; like a little boy pulling a chair to the counter, reaching into the cookie jar and well, successfully getting a cookie. No one knows you took a cookie, only you. Well, for me, no one knows the severity of this sin, I only told them about the cookies being there, not what type of cookies that were in the jar(they were raisin by the way, the grossest kind).

To get back on topic, after I commited this sin, I fell at Gods feet. I realised how much of a grip this sin had on my life. I was faking being okay for 3 years. Yeah, I broke dowm here and there, but I never dealt with it. I always put it on the back burner. This thing will send me to hell, I thought to myself. Many of people know my life story, minus this part. As I said, I only told them there were cookies, but not what type.

Today, sunday, was a lot different than lastnight, saturday. I woke up sad, mad, angry at myself, but I knew I had breath today and that God was and is giving me life still. He is not done with me! Praise him.

It is going to be hard to tell people this, but I know certain people must know. If you are reading this, and you believe in the Lord Jesus, I ask you to please pray for me. I do not want to have anything hidden from others. I do not want to have this seperate me from God anymore. I want to be able to tell people what types of cookies are in the cookie jar; I don't want to deceive or be dishonest anymore.

A beautiful verse that has carried me through(and am wanting to get tattooed) is Psalm 34:18:
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Amen.

vanity insanireality.

self consciousness has always been on the back of my mind. i can never be full content with how i look. most people struggle with this and i know they understand what it feels like to feel like they shouldnt go out into public and how much it sucks to feel that.

as i have been growing with God more and more on an intimate level, i am discovering how much satan thrives on telling me i am ugly and shouldnt go out into the world. but, thats the key, we need to be out in the world, spreading the love of Christ.

i am finding it to be continually more challenging to get over the fact that i do not like the way i look, and i think that is because satan has a strong foothold on this idea of vanity insanireality; its insane, but its a reality for many people. i am learning slowly how to give it over to God because i know it is strongly restraining me from going out into the world and reaching my fullest potential, but this is a very difficult thing to give over when it has surrounded me like dense fog on an autumn day for so long.

through all of this, i am also finding i was putting a time limit of God. you know, the "okay God, if this doesnt by this time, then im moving on..." maybe you havent said those exact words, or to that extent, but i have and i feel so convicted by it. i know it is wrong and our God is timeless and can do anything possible and impossible. Our God is a God of astronomical surprises and if i put a time limit on that, well, i will not receive all of Gods goodness.

mmm, i needed to get that out in the air because it has been on my heart for years. i mean, it is more extreme than that in certain times, but this is mainly how i feel day in, day out; convicted of being self conscious and knowing that it is hindering my realtionship with our Lord God, Adonai.

you are alive and i am now alive with you!

I may have had one of the worst days in a long time yesterday. I woke up past my alarm, and was very rushed. I couldn't have a shower because the water was turned off due to flooding. The buses weren't running either because of roads being flooded. I got to school two hours late, unshowered, tired, and to top it off, most of the people at school were being massive jerks. BUT, through the midst of it all, I found myself saying, "God gave me breath today, so it will be lived for him".

Hmmm, I have never reacted to a bad day with such a love fotr Christ. It really made me hopeful that God is with me all the time and that he does indeed live in my heart :)


Isaiah 6:8 reads,"then I heard a voice of the Lord saying, 'whom shall I send and who will go for us?' And I said, 'here am I! Send me!'".

Godbless!!

as long as i have breath to breathe, i will sing your praise!

every breath i take was created and designed to be used for our Lord. every heart beat is a sign that my time is not up; God is not yet done with me. my life is not meant to be lived for me, myself, and i because i am in a great debt; infact, this debt consumes my life and yours. Jesus, The Son of God, died for OUR mistakes. we owe everything to Him, but most of us are to selfish to see past the point of me, myself, and i.

lastnight i felt deeply joyful, but also acutely in pain. i was joyful for everything that has been given to me eventhough i do not deserve any of it. as i further read into "Do Hard Things", i became slightly discouraged and as i earlier put it, in pain. i am discovering how much time i have wasted. i am sixteen, and have been so caught up in myself that i have been blocking out and ignoring all those moments where God tells me to go talk to that person, or go help that person. of course, my life expectancy leaves me with many years, but God can easily close my door, and stop my breathing.

a very classic song from qwanoes has been written with the solution to this troubling, and often untouched topic. the lyrics in the chorus speak, "i'll never let the rocks cry out, louder then the voice you've given me. As long as i have breath to breathe, i will sing your praise!" pay accurate attention to the last sentence. as long as we are given breath to breathe, we are called to sing the Lord our God's praise! unfortunatley, we often fail to do so. why? because this world, as i have mentioned many of times before, tells us to figure things out on our own, to try out and buy the latest thing, and that there is no higher power to help us. of course, all of those are complete lies, but they are the world's reality. as Christ-followers, we are called to be different. 1 Peter 2:9 puts it into great perspective.
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."
did you catch that? we have been called out of darnkess! so, with every breath that i take, i must return to God. every heartbeat i receive must go directly back into what i have been called to do: love others.

so, i propose a challenge; does anyone want to start living like this aswell? of course, we must have our word coincide with our actions and our heart for it to actually be real, but our God is good and he gives us breath to breahte!

just so y'all know, my mind sometimes thinks abstractly.

Just a little thought popped into my head...when people say "school is lame", do they really mean it? Or is it just some normal, habitchual saying that people will say as common as "lol". Just a little thought, and it kind of made me laugh(seriously).

conviction

today, i waited for a bus to go to my fathers. it was expected to just be a regular, average bus ride, but then this man, middle-aged, asain, and losing his hair. he wasnt 'balding' though, it looked more like a sickness. his skin was pale, and looked as though it was clammy. i could not help but feel the pain he held in his eyes. the ambitious part of me said to go talk to him; the shy side said to stay seated. i didnt know what to do, so i instantly prayed that God would give me a sign, and sure enough three men with alot of items filled the seats around us. i felt very discouraged, i knew i didnt normally feel convicted towards people i have seen for 0.22 seconds, so once again i prayed, and got a different response. the three men got off the bus, and so i thought 'perfect, here we go Jesus!' until the man got his cellphone out, and started using it. so i prayed again, and i asked God to simply make me know for sure what i was supposed to do, and that i would do whatever he said, because i trust Him. and then, i was about to talk to him when suddenly it was my stop to get off! i felt discouraged, until i realised i was putting a time limit on God. maybe today, God was simply introducing me to this man, so i can pray for him and ready my heart to be used. it struck me, our Lord is timeless; we may not be, but i have faith that God will use me when i need to be used. so, this was a very interesting experience, and i pray and hope that i will see that man again, and to just be a light of Christ; eventhough i may be scared to be a light, it is what i am called to do.

also, as all this was occuring, i was reading "Do Hard Things", and sure enough 1 Timothy 4:12 was typed into that book. "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

GOD IS SO GOOD! and i am so very excited to see what is instore tomorrow(and still tonight!)

to the ones i love, i say:

today is the first day back to school since holidays. 19 days of holidays was more then enough time to be refreshed, and filled with Jesus. Boy, do i feel good! My heart awoke at 5am this morning, and my body followed at 5:30am. i decided i would use this extra two or maybe three hours to be with Jesus. I read one chapter of Luke, then i made two cups of coffee, and began to read a book ive been working on titled, "Do Hard Things, A rebellion of teenagers against low expectations." Lets just say that everyone(yes, every single human being) needs to read this. Written by twin brothers who are very strong in their faith, this book encourages people to out-stretch past the mundane, everyday life. it encourages teenagers to not be bogged down by the low expectations of making your bed, and doing your homework. But instead, trust that God is here, and living and when he calls you to something that may seem scary; do it!

So, here i am, alive and breathing. i have been given another day to live; not for myself, but for Him who created me! praise you LORD.

something that has been striking me is being consumed by lies that no one cares. i have a friend who lives in saskatchewan who thinks this exact thought; that he is not strong enough, and he is just a burden to everyone. this breaks my heart, and i need to simply trust that God is looking after my brother. i rememeber feeling these exact lies; but thats all they are, lies. i still, from time to time feel like this, but i know that God is good, and that they are lies and God has greater things planned out for me then lies.

i really am thankful for handy websites such as this one. anyways, i should go and not endure school, but embrace it, and learn! :) haha, wow, how corny was that?

Godbless,
as the coffee-jitters begin!

consider this a jumble of words.

feeling as though there is more to life. my step dad, step sister, and my mother have been talking about going on vacation to a far away land full of sunshine and alcohol. they have also been jokingly, but seriously talking about selling everything, and moving to a far away land with you guessed it, sunshine and alcohol. hmmm, it really has been striking me. there is an entire world to explore, so why are we doing everything on our own and confiding ourselves to our little towns of selfish, greedy, broken people. but even worse then that, why are we thinking about moving, also known as running, away to another land of selfishness, greed, and brokeness? are we not called by our Lord to help those in need? God never once said, "go to jamaica, and leave those in canada." no no no, it doesn't matter where we are; we are a light, wherever we are, and thats a fact.

i am so struck with questions of my life. i am graduating a year early, meaning i will be done this june. school has literally been my life since i can remember; waking up, going to a 'jail' for those who don't fit in, and a 'heaven' for those who everyone admires. now, im being thrown into worse; life. but i really shouldn't think of it as worse because now, i have an entire life ahead of me. a life with the world at my doorsteps, except, i dont know if ill ever be called to step out past the door frame. i am so very excited to see Gods plan slowly, but surely, unfold. i guess its a matter of time, which by the way, is so overrated. we have one life to live, one God to live for. doesn't it make sense to put two and two together?

well, school starts tomorrow. i guess i can start the countdown; 60 days to go.

to say it politely

i cant help but wonder if i am doing what i am supposed to do for my life. am i on the right path, or am i just lying to myself completely? of course, by this i am not referring to depressed thoughts, i am simply stating the point that i catch myself doing things that are not who or what i am about. as a believer, i understand how hard it is to face the world; the brokenness, pain, suffering, lack of anything colourful and good. i am continually surrounded by all of this evil, and i sometimes feel and ask myself if i am doing everything i need to do on this earth. or course, i can never-ever-ever-never-never-ever know if i do not bring it all to the Lord's feet.

the teenage life these days is sure messed up, to say it politely. do you remember making promisses with your friends in elementary school? you know, the promisses to not do drugs or to do 'dirty' things, or to graduate and become doctors/veternarians/firefighters/superstars. look at everyone now, being pushed to buy the latest iPhone, or to replace their entire wardrobe. we all buy into it from time to time, but as followers of Christ, how can we as teenagers seperate ourselves from the world. one simple answer, Christ. we must ask ourselves, what would Christ do? what does Christ command us to do? and lastly, how can i apply my life to Christs word? did you catch that, not applying Christs word to our lives, but applying our lives to Christs word. hellllooo! his word has been around for hmm, 2000 years, and we've been around for a whole maybe 20 or 30. this thought just makes me chuckle, but i dont blame anyone for thinking "how can i apply Christs word to me?" because since the day we were born(speaking of teenagers, young adults) we have been raised into a selfish world. i cannot help but challenge myself to think differently then the world. of course, it is way (way) easier said then done. but, as Christ says so simply, but so gloriously, "you can do all things through me."

i just wanted to challenge people (or maybe just myself) to well, challenge yourself this new year. we dont need to buy into the lies of this world when our hearts of filled with Christ.

:) thats just a thought i had today. Godbless!

happy 2009

i may not know much, but i do know that you love me. happy 2009; a new year, full of new beginnings and occuring challenges. i cannot allow myself to fall as much as i did. i am willingly allowing myself to be picked up by God. i am done with being selfish, and telling myself i am ugly and worthless. it's all lies, and im done listenning to them. i was so fortunate to be able to see about 100+ people who impacted my life this past summer. i got to bring the new year in with them, i got to cry and laugh and pray; all in all, i got to spend my last days of 2008 and my first few days of 2009 surrounded by love. i am so sick of being consumed by selfishness and hate. Lord, i thank you, and lift your name on high; even though i am on this "high" of love, i will be challenged and tested throughout this year, and i pray i will be able to seek you and only you.